My most beloved cat, Jajan had just passed away this afternoon.
Even though I was prepared for his departure since he was already showing signs of old age a month back, I still cried. I'm still crying while typing this.
The only regret I have is that I wasn't by his side when he moved on.
Jajan had been sick for months. Always wheezing and having sudden cramp attack that left him immobilised for some time. All I did when he was suffering was pet him and talked to him as he lay on the bed, eyes wide and scared. Every single time, I cried 'cause it hurts to see him like this.
He hasn't been eating at all, merely drinking water. As time passed, he began to get really skinny, even skinnier than my black cat, whom I said was skinny. He peed on my bed twice, and even on himself. Sometimes he shits in my room too.
But you know you really love your pet when none of these things angered you even the slightest.
For the past week, he hasn't been sleeping with me. Always went to my parent's bedroom and slept under the bed. Eveytime I carried him to my room, he would stay there for a few moment before disapperaing again. I understands though. When cats are dying, they want to be left alone.
There were many times when Jajan appeared to be having his last breath. Till at one point, I whispered to him that if he wants to leave, just leave and that it's ok.
And two days later which was today, he did.
Yesterday, my brother knocked on my door and carried Jajan into my room before placing him on my bed. Sometimes I wondered if he wanted to see my brother one last time. Because in the end, Jajan was my brother's cat. He was the one who chose him to be one of the family members.
This morning, I woke up and saw Jajan in the kitchen. Seeing that he peed on himself again, I decided to give him a bath. It was the last bath for us. It pained me to see him trying to move and let out his voice as I shampooed him. He couldn't even move when I placed him on my lap and showered him.
Two hours later, I found him dead under my parents' bed. I scooped him in my lap and spent some moment kissing him for one final time. Though it greatly saddened me that I wasn't by his side when he took his last breath, it was nice to know that when I had found him, my black cat was by his side. At least he didn't die alone.
My mom said that maybe he wanted to go when he's cleaned.
But I guess whatever it is, Jajan's gone and his sufferings had finally ended.
I'm going to miss watching his sleeping face.
I'm going to miss looking at his back next to my head.
I'm going to miss burying my face in his fur when I sleep even though I complained about having flu the next day.
I'm going to miss kissing his mouth and nose.
I'm going to miss his loud irritating voice, mewing at me every time he wanted my attention.
I'm going to miss his claws digging into my skin.
I'm going to miss playing with his ears.
I'm going to miss poking at his short cute tail and see it twitched in annoyment.
I'm going to miss fangirling about Arashi in front of him.
I'm going to miss shocking him with my sudden random squeals.
I'm going to miss seeing him twitch in his sleep.
I'm going to miss hitting him slightly hard and see him glaring at me.
I'm going to miss him coming to me whenever I called his name.
I'm going to miss bathing him.
I'm going to miss bestowing him with my kisses.
I'm even going to miss him vomitting on my bed.
But most of all, I'm going to miss having him by my side.
Thank you for being a wonderful companion to me for these 14 years of my life.
You were always there whenever I was sad, coming to me and lying down next to me as I cried. Always there when I was happy or angry. I hope you had lived your life to the fullest when you're in this family. And I hope I have been a good and worthy owner to you.
Now I prayed you are having a blast of a time up there while I will try my hardest to recover from my loss. Do not worry about me though. I am surrounded by people who will make sure I will be alright.
Rest in Peace, Ajan. I love you.
You are and will always be my little angel